Tuesday, May 16, 2017

You're terrible, I'm not

"Why can't you take out the trash for even once?"
"Do I have to do everything?"
"Why do you have to be around when I'm speaking to my friends, I leave you to your own device when your friends are around?!"
"When are you leaving?"
"You never text me first"

These are just a few things that I could come up with at the top of my head as to what we may have all probably have gone through at least once in our lives. Do you ever find yourself thinking how some people are just insensitive? Do you ever find yourself just telling yourself probably you're overreacting, but then you think, but why can't they even have common sense? Do you ever find yourself just wanting to physically choke someone, but you know that you're not a murderer and you're just too nice to ever hurt anyone? Or maybe you just say everything that you think?

Either way, my point is. Sometimes, we all go through things and we imagine things to be worse than it actually is. We spend so much time in our head, just justifying things before we even say anything. But ever sometimes thought that maybe you think too much and maybe you have even been told that? See, sometimes it may be true, but other times it may not be. What is thinking too much? Or over-thinking as others would put it? Sometimes, we just have a lot of things that we consider to be normal and are perplexed when people don't adhere to such norms. That is when you or me or anyone else starts to think about what drives someone's actions. 


Sure, call it overthinking, but in many ways, I think someone who overthinks is better than someone who doesn't give a second to ponder upon their thoughts. The reason why most people think and try to rationalise someone else's actions is because their trying to understand someone's behaviour and yeah, it may get them upset, but it's because as a person, they truly don't understand what drives another person's behaviour and hence, it leads to them just making up possibilities which can be detrimental to their mental health at times. But, also is a good example of how some people are more prone to "overthinking", shall we say and others just take things at face value.

The point is, we always spend time looking at other people's flaws before looking at our own and that's just a fact that really, I don't have to tell you, but we all do that. It's human nature. We often look at someone's flaws first before acknowledging their good attributes. You know when you say, "Yeah, she/he's just really annoying at times, especially when she/he doesn't listen but you know at the end of the day, she/he doesn't do it out of spite, I think she/he just doesn't know it". But ever think how we feel the need to share with others what we think of others? If we were aware of the fact that they weren't being malicious, then why share a negative point about someone anyway? It just doesn't make sense when you actually think about it. But you and I both, we are at some point guilty of having done this.

It's easier I suppose to lash out at everyone and point out their flaws, but I think a lot of us don't realise this, that we have flaws too and sometimes some people have a shitty personality to top that. But a lot of people are kind and never reveal those habits that probably grate on their nerves but some people really feel entitled, like everything should be the way that they want it. I am guilty of asking people to do things a certain way, for example, to put down the toilet seat after someone has used it. But the difference is, if I tell them twice and they don't do it, I'm not going to say it again because I know they're never going to do it. Some people just have it hardwired in them that they can't possibly change. The struggles with living with other people is that you have to compromise. But sometimes, there are some people who literally get annoyed over every little thing, such as the noise, your breathing, or unclean table tops. 

I'm a strong believer of being a person who adheres to the saying "You practice what you preach", but I'm also practical in terms of knowing that some people will never change. But I constantly have to hold my tongue when someone tells me something that they don't like, maybe just one thing, because they just do point out your flaws, not only in terms of your habit, but your personality and it drives me insane, especially when the said person has 10000000x infinity flaws of themselves but they just think they're perfect, or perhaps they don't but think that just because you don't say it, there's nothing about them that bothers you. I personally, to these types of sorry excuses of a person, never utter a single word that is negative, I just choose to ignore it, because in my experience, if you're sharing a house with someone, assuming you're not married to them, are only going to be living with them for perhaps a maximum of a year. So, I'd rather just not say anything that would make me regret ever saying some things than to say anything at all. Because in the long run, it's your wellbeing and your reputation that is on the line. 

Sure, they may fabricate lies about you, but if or when confronted, you never feel guilty but rather you'd have a smile on your face because you know how sick of a person they were. Okay, maybe some parts of my writing is fueled by cynicism and also laced with annoyance, but I'm just very honest. I never believe in lying and when I write, my point is to get people to see a different perspective. It's like looking at an object from different angles. You know people are nice, because they say few hurtful things but that doesn't mean they don't think it. 

So, I leave for you Machiavelli's advice on being nice. I very much agree with his ideas, do watch this short video to attain a slightly different perspective on being nice. Key note: Know the evil but don't associate yourself with the evil, twist the perspective but never have that outlook on life. Your mirror image does not have to be pure although your intentions are pure. Treating someone with goodness when they are in fact devious, does not prove you are a better person, you are good, without having to prove it, but counteracting their devious feats are what would make you successful and dissociating yourself from their annoyance will grant you freedom. Often times, it's not ignoring or shutting yourself from them, but for me, I suppose I have a different approach, I know the person that is terrible is for a fact just terrible and unkind, but I don't treat them unkindly, I just choose to not discuss matters that are personal to me or let them speak to me in ways that I don't like, by training them psychologically, yes, you can condition people and I do that all the time. It's not being cunning if anyone's wondering, it's being tactical. At the end of the day, it's your well-being that matters and of course, being nice will help you sustain that but NEVER let anyone step all over you. Learn from your lessons, never have to go through them twice, EVER.


Till my next post. xx

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