Saturday, January 7, 2017

How to control your life

So, I may or may have spoken about my journey to self discovery and how I'm really into self help, minimalism, zero waste and just living a much healthier lifestyle. But this time, since it's the time where many people decide to turn over a new leaf, I thought it would be a good time to talk about this particular topic. I'm not judging you whether you make them or not, but it's the start of a new term for me which seems surreal, so, I suppose in many ways, I don't create New Year's Resolutions, but I do however make changes to enhance the way I study before each term. A couple of months ago, I'm pretty sure everyone who knows me would know how worried I was about getting onto a Master's and how I was especially worried about funding it. 

I didn't think I could feel like such a different person a few months into studying a Master's especially given that I have always felt insecure and unconfident about my abilities, what I'd like to do after I graduate, where I'd like to live and so on and so forth. I think a lot of the things that I've learnt by adopting a more minimalist lifestyle has definitely shaped me into wanting to think more about my actions and the effort I put into things. I'd say that as a young adult in today's world, it is very hard to balance work and life, especially with the technology that we have, in particular the addiction that we have towards the available technology.

On top of that, I also think the people that I have been surrounded by in the past few months has definitely helped me grow, keep me grounded and has influenced me in a very positive way. I'm very grateful for everything that I have and I think the key to success is not in having everything but rather, in appreciating everything that we have.

I think this post can definitely be broken down to subgroups, such as:
1. Relationships (Family, Friends and etc.)
2. Education (if you're still studying)
3. Time and organisation
4. Financial
5. Hobbies and miscellaneous 

Relationships



When it comes to relationships, be it with family, friends, partners and children, whoever it is in your life that influences your decisions greatly does matter. Some relationships are easier to break than others and it's in realising which ones empowers you the most that ultimately is relevant and important in making you feel happy.

I'm not saying that people that are in your life that significantly impact your life are the only ones that matter. Rather, I'm saying, recognise what are the roles played by everyone in your life. It's easy to say that such and such is a friend but likewise, the exact same friend, may be someone you have not been spending as much time as you should? Perhaps you haven't visited your parents as often as you should. Possibly a dear friend that you may have lost touch for quite a long time? You see where I'm getting at. It's important that how much time you allocate to spending time with someone is equivalent to how much you say they really mean to you. 

In other cases, there could be people who make you feel terrible, but you stay with them because you feel bad that they have no one else. Possibly, also the guilt makes you continue with the toxic relationship that you have? Anything that you do, don't put others before your well-being, because in reality no one really is going to put your well-being before theirs. If ever in doubt, don't outright say no, but tell them that you will have a think about it first. No one is going to tell you that you can't do that. If anything, they would appreciate that you're taking the time to make sure that you are a 100% committed to something before jumping to saying "yes" and then saying that you cannot do it anymore. 

Education



If you're presently undertaking any form of education, it is important for you to recognise why you're doing it. A lot of people who go into education, come out of it with a huge debt tied to their bank balance. Think carefully as to whether or not being in education is something that you want. Is it something that would benefit you?

If you've identified education as something that is important and will be life-changing then, make it a priority. I think with education, there is no way you would be able to excel, other than if you were to be fully committed. It takes time and effort but if it's definitely going to give you an edge in the working world, then nothing else comes before it. 

Another important thing to remember is to prioritise and say no even if it's a friend asking you out for drinks or movies. 1. You save money. 2. You actually work on the things that need working on instead of feeling guilty afterwards. 

Time and Organisation



Probably banging on about the same things here, but I cannot stress how important time is. It's not something that you can buy back, not something you can go back to. Every second of your life wasted doing something, is just that, wasted. There's no going back. So, every second you choose to devote your time to something, make sure it's something fulfilling and it's going to make you feel happy.

In life, never ever give yourself the opportunity to look back and say that you could have done better or you could have done something differently. This is the same with your emotions. A lot of damage can be done in the 2 seconds that you are angry and you choose to say something mean to someone dear to you. If you have something that you're unhappy about, remove yourself from the situation first, think about it and then address the situation. 

If you're in a heated discussion, tell them that you don't want an argument and that you think it's better to have a conversation with each other when both of you are in a more rational state of mind, because if someone were to just lash out at each other, and you went on with your discussion, someone or both of you could get very hurt. 

It's very important to organise your emotions, your thought process and amongst other things, your priorities. I will admit that it's not something that can be easily done or that you can suddenly change your attitude overnight, but it's definitely something worth considering more and evaluating more, as the present moment is extremely important. Lastly in terms of emotions, I also want to point out that in the heat of the moment, it can get very convincing that shouting at the other person is exactly what you would like to do and you will not have any regrets if you shout at them or say mean things, but often it's just anger clouding your judgement and a good pointer is to not say anything to anyone that you wouldn't say when you're not angry.

Hobbies and miscellaneous

Lastly, when it comes to our busy schedules in life, the french has a beautiful saying which goes, "Il faut faire les choses une par une" which makes out to do doing things one at a time. They always say, "A jack of all trades" but many people forget that there is more to the end, "A jack of all trades is a master of none". So, having said that, if you have a passion or a hobby, it's better for you to pursue it wholeheartedly than pursuing multiple things at a time. 

It's not wrong in wanting to know more about a lot of things, wanting to be well versed at multiple things, but it's also better to concentrate on a few things rather than cramming everything in and then realising that you don't have the time, or the energy to do them. This could eventually lead to frustration and you would feel like you're not accomplished at anything. 

So, instead, maybe write down 3 things in your day that you would like to accomplish and focus on the 3 things you would like to accomplish and once you're done with it and if you have spare time, work on your medium sized goals, which essentially, would be 3 as well and another 3 long term goals. Whatever it is, if you take things in small pieces, you're more likely to succeed. Remember the idiom, don't bite off more than you can chew. 

Anyway, I hope a few of my tips has helped some of you out there struggling with planning and how to say no. I would love to go more in-depth into each of the sub-topic and if you do want to read more about what I have in store for this year, then definitely keep reading, I am in the process of starting a website, so, I will keep you guys posted on that. 

Till my next post. xx

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