Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Independent doesn't mean you don't need/want someone

Often this may appear trivial to most people. But independence in a woman seem to scare off men. Why? They feel that the woman will not act childishly around him, would not need him to do things for her, would not want him to spoil her. To a certain extent, the want in this is at a fine line between existing and not existing. But, isn't it unfair not to think why she has had to depend on herself? Why she had to become independent?

Maybe, on one hand, this woman is extremely inferior of themselves and they have built walls around them that they would like to find someone who cares enough to want to break it down? Maybe she's just been hurt too many times before from trusting people that she actually has to be careful? Have you thought about that?

It hurts when other girls say things like, "Can you walk me back to my house? I'm afraid". Then who walks me back? In a different conversation, they pass a comment saying, "You're strong and independent, we're girly, so we need someone, you can take care of yourself". Wow, like seriously? Independent women feel sad too. Heck, sometimes we're more insecure about our flaws then most people. We are more afraid and we over think situations too much. Not all the time. We can actually cancel out the voice of people and not care. Often, independent women are referred to as "b*tches". 

I'm not saying I support feminism movements that go naked to prove a point. I'm talking about just a person's view on this matter. I think most people misinterpret words and even in any movement, there are radical things or people. So, I would just like to point out that I AM NOT REFERRING TO FEMINISM.


You can't use someone and call them when you need them and then just ignore them afterwards. You can't call yourself a friend if you only use others but are never there for them. You don't know what anyone is going through in their lives. So, instead of judging them or saying mean things when they aren't able to reply your messages, why don't you ask them how they actually are.

If a woman shows you no expression and does not say that she is, it does not mean she isn't. A man does not cry when something bad happens and that is associated with not wanting to show his "weakness", but you know what? Men aren't the only ones that do that.

If a women leaves her child, she isn't going to tell everyone that she is so upset and she isn't going to wallow in self pity, stay at home and cry. She is going to go out there, strive in doing her best, do things that would make her happy. That isn't being selfish, that is making the best out of the situation. A mother loves her child the most and for her to leave them, trusting them in someone else's hands, is the hardest thing ever and the stupidest thing you could ever ask is to ask them, "Isn't it hard to leave your kid behind?". I understand your concern. But don't you think the smile plastered on their face is a facade? Something to hide the fact that she's upset. Do you even think people love hanging out with people who are constantly wallowing in self pity? NO. And that is why they have to show people that they are alright. But for all you know, they're most probably crying themselves to sleep. So, before you say something stupid, think.

Just be there for someone. I remember when I went to the hospital to visit a friend, I asked him how he was and what happened. But then, we spoke about different things. Because you try to make them think of something else. You try to make them think of things that would divert their attention into making them sink deeper in their depression. We cannot say things like, "Oh, isn't it painful?", "Won't you be missing so much?". Don't make them feel worse then they already do.

One more thing to take note of is, if someone's husband works overseas and if she is a single mother, taking care of the kids, having to send them to school and pick them up, send them to tuition classes and back, it doesn't mean that the husband doesn't love her or has someone else. It means he's sacrificing his time to provide for his family and so is the wife. She is sacrificing everything just to ensure that her kids would have a better future. It's something that they both must endure to make sure that their kids would have a better life. To parents, the success of their children is the most important thing in the world and they would make decisions that would appear sound to them. So, they may make mistakes, because life does not come with an instruction booklet. But, they're doing the best that they can.

They are independent, but they would need all the support that they can get. Life is a learning process, but sometimes, as you get older, even learning a new thing, like scanning a document is sometimes hard for them to learn.

So, learn to appreciate independent women. They can live without you. But they will love you unconditionally and they would make you feel like the luckiest person in the world.

Till my next post. xx

1 comment:

  1. "You can't use someone and call them when you need them and then just ignore them afterwards." - If only more of my friends were like that...