Sunday, July 28, 2013


Do you believe in things like signs? Do you believe in deja vu? Do you believe in fate? Or do you merely believe in coincidence?

When I talk about signs, I don't mean the signs you see by the roadside of course.

Not at all.

When I refer to signs, I really mean, have you ever seen something and exactly the next thing happens to you?

I remember reading in the novel "The Moonstone", the butler keeps a few copies of Robinson Crusoe because every time he's at wit's end at figuring out life's troubles, he takes a flip at his book and he somehow manages to read a line in that page that he flipped to.

I do believe in signs. Just saying for a matter of fact.

Every time I'm about to get my exam results, I always see the same numbers again and again, on car number plates and etc. When my exam results come out, I get that. I get so nervous and anxious, my heart starts to thump harder and my chest feels heavier that it gets so hard to breathe.

Every time anything happens, there's always a sign, when I go online, when I read a book. Everything I do, there's never a shortage of signs. I guess I am thankful for that.

BUT, that has never stopped me in believing in God. Because I really think God is the one who shows me the signs. But, I know that many people know about the energy of the Universe.

What energy you project to the Universe is what you get back. Like in the book, The Secrets, you think about something, really hard, in positive tense and that is what you get back. 

I do believe that the Universe and God is actually the same thing. People just want to find a reason not to believe in God.

We're all sinners anyway. Tell me you haven't lied once since the day you were born, tell me you've never broken a promise in your life. Tell me then I'll show you a sinner. A liar.

Truth is we've all made mistakes but some choose to ask for forgiveness while others try to shake off the belief that God exists. Some people try to only believe in our lives on this earth. Atheists. That there is no God and there will be no afterlife. 

Scientology. Something that is merely based from science, but if God really never existed, who created atoms and particles, quarks and lepton, the very fundamental units in our lives? Raises a question right?

I'm not a very pious person although I try to be good but of course, everyone make mistakes, as I've already said before.

Anyway, I'm deviating from my topic.

I do believe that there are signs everywhere, you just have to look carefully and not be biased with any situation, as we all know, we believe what we want to believe. So, don't let your feelings cloud your judgement and look, with no pre-existing emotions towards a subject matter and maybe you'll understand what I mean.

Till my next post. xx

Saturday, July 20, 2013

I'm so afraid.

Okay, probably just a nonsensical post but I thought I should blog anyway. I've been idle for too long and it's because I'm really doing so much of things that I'm so busy to even think.


I met someone, whom, one look at him and I really felt like I knew him. I've felt this once before but this time, it's really different. You know that person and you really can treat them like a friend. I was really talking to him like as though I've known him for years and I said things in a manner that I wouldn't tell someone I just met.


but true.

Okay, maybe I should share. But, really it's too embarassing and I really hope and pray that he doesn't read this or anyone I know for a matter of fact. But, here goes just my thoughts. 

So, this guy, his name is KHAN. (My name is Khan... :P) He works at Charles and Keith at Plaza Singapura, 2nd floor, right next to Perllini, right after you get off the MRT at Dhoby Ghaut Xchange.

I was merely browsing through the bags, me being me, I don't even look at people's faces and then someone approched me, of course, I was like, sibeh, so close, man. One look at his face and I was like, do I know you? He's handsome okay, just in case anyone is wondering, but truly, that's not the reason why I felt like I knew him, I actually hate many good looking guys without a reason or because of their cockiness, but usually there's always a reason... to me.

Anyway, he asked me where I was from and so, I said MALAYSIA.

Then he asked me a few things but I don't even know what I was answering him because my mind was really on the chocolates I saw downstairs, don't judge me okay?? It was the 2nd or 3rd day of the fasting month.

Then, before we left, he said something in Hindi, I understand Hindi, but I cannot speak properly, but this time, I really didn't even listen to what he said, so I stupidly said "Har?" to him and then he asked me if I didn't speak Hindi and I said NO. But actually it's to save myself from embarassing myself by speaking to him in my thickly accented and broken Hindi. Then I asked him what time we break fast at Singapore and he told me, 7.16 p.m. at that time, and then he said Shukriya (thanks) and I just said thanks to him.

AFTER going out of the store, I was cursing him for still speaking to me in Hindi, but then, I totally forgot it until whenever I go out, now, I'm in Malaysia, but I'm always searching for him in malls, and I feel so lame. Lol.

I think he's like 3 years younger than me? I don't know but I just felt like I know him that's all, a few times, I felt like going up to him and asking him if I knew him, but it would be totally absurd, but I feel really silly too but I didn't say anything. FYI, I'm not some kind of a crazy stalker to go search for him although I'll admit, I did try to search him on Facebook, but the number of search results with the last name Khan from Singapore is too long, so, I gave up and hah, I still have dreams of him. 

And, the whole time I was at Singapore, everyone kept speaking to me in Hindi and I was literally just smiling and shaking my head, when really, all I wanted to ask was, "Do I look Hindi to you?" 

Next thing, I know I should be happy because I finally get to travel alone and do whatever I want, but it's so scary, not because of the people or anything, but just having so much freedom scares me, like what if I decide on an impromptu sky diving front or something more reckless than that. I know myself and I know that I like being spontaneous and most of the time it's really risky and someone always manages to persuade me to not do it. I WON'T FORGIVE YOU!! *glowers*


The thought of moving to UK and probably residing there forever is also a very scary thought. I don't know, it's some kind of an adrenaline rush at times, but other times, I just find myself counting down the days, it's really a mixture of emotions and what more with so much going on in my life, I really need to press the pause button, but somehow I like living in the fast lane.

I guess that's just me and that day, I tried baking this marshmallow cupcake which I got the recipe from an online site and it was a total fail, but it's the fasting month at the moment and any cakes/cupcakes/quiche or whatever dessert made would only go to waste, so, I guess I'll only start baking again in August, but then again, I miss my macarons from Harrods, the purple one I think, must go again and get my fix, oh and strawberries, I really miss strawberries.

Last but not least, the recent scandal on the Alvin Tan and Vivian Lee, sex bloggers, (Alvivi) case, it was really immature for them to post a picture of the bak kut teh with the caption "Halal, enak, wangi, dan menyelerakan" and Selamat Berbuka Puasa, and on top of that they dare say that it was just for fun. It's offensive, NO, it's not offensive to post a picture of the bak kut teh, feel free to publish anything you want, any type of food, non halal chicken, pork, smoked bacon ribs, bacon, ham, anything you want, beef, lard, anything at all, mind you, it wasn't the picture that got them into trouble, it's the caption.

Some people are really being so immature as to saying "What's wrong with posting a picture of Bak But Teh?", when really it was the caption that everyone was making a fuss about, some people should really know how to get their facts right instead of just spreading false rumours. And really, if they wanted to post things like that, post Chi Kut Teh, why Bak Kut Teh? Say that the chicken is halal. Very dissapointing.

To think that that woman, Vivian Lee is a kindergarten teacher is even more intimidating, I wouldn't want kids of anyone I know to brainwash kids into thinking that sex ed is okay at a very young age or that it's normal for people to have sex out of marriage with anyone or how many people they want.

That's that to it.

Till my next post. xx

Saturday, July 6, 2013


This is merely just a thought that has been on my mind forEVER! I had to share. Alright, so, you know how kids these days are only interested in things like:


2) Phones and if you have an iPhone, you're somehow looked up upon. Oh, not forgetting to switch your phone every time Apple comes out with their new phone.

3) Relationships


5) Pretty boys/ girls

6) Swaggy clothes.





11) BRACES. What were once known as things that were worn by geeks are now so popular that even kids with no dental defects choose to wear them just because they think it will make them prettier and hence would be more of an ideal woman or some sort. Here, let me just say that yes, I have worn braces but because my dental flaw was rated as an 8/10.

12) PLASTIC SURGERY. Although this does not apply to all, but I daresay after Bong QiuQiu, Xiaxue and Dawnn Yang spoke openly about their plastic job done to whatever parts of their bodies, people are somehow beginning to think that it's okay for you to reconstruct your face by physical means by going under the knife. 

13) INSTAGRAM. We are in a society which faces only one excruciating decision making problem, which is choosing the perfect filter. Not to mention how proud some people are when they do not use a filter that they have to tag #nofilter Ever done that? It's silly. It's only a picture, why such big great fuss?

14) FACEBOOK LIKES. Not forgetting the attention whores- guys or girls (I don't really care) who crave for facebook likes and even inbox you to like their pictures or tag you on it so that you'd like their pictures.

Do you notice that almost everything I have stated above are referring to the use of money except for Instagram and Facebook?

Well, nowadays, I don't see people with real ambitions anymore. They classify it as two different things. A DREAM and an AMBITION.

DREAM: Something you wish to be but will remain to be a dream because you don't think you can do it or it's only going to remain a dream but it's not practical or some sort.

AMBITION: Something that you intend to study according to your means, never thinking of pursuing studies overseas, even if they do, it's to party.


Some people these days define these for me and it's not me who's coming up with my own conclusions or coming up with cock and bull stories. These are from my observations and also from people around me.

I have noticed that some people are so full of themselves, vanity is like a weapon, if you're vain, no one can approach you, they feel like they're on a different class and you're nobody especially if that person is handsome/pretty.

Some people, when you walk past them and you're about to have a head-on collision, they'd still walk forward, as though implying that they own the whole place and that you have to move your butt first. It's very annoying and I'll tell you exactly what I do. Usually, when I'm not overcome by my reflexes, I'll just walk up to them and then stare at them, and usually, it's enough to make them budge, but sometimes, some people are really rude and they'll just bang into your shoulders. LIKE WTH right???!! But that's the sad, sad fact that we have to face today.

Every time I go out, things like nice clothes on mannequins aren't looked at anymore, people look at people and judge their outfits. Really defeats the purpose of shopping because you cannot strip the person naked and take away their clothes can you? That's why I think our society has changed.

Kids these days are no longer like kids those days AND let me remind you that I'm not some ancient asoh (old woman) that's sitting in front of a computer while typing incessantly about my thoughts of kids these days. I'm 20. But, I've realised that kids these days don't even know stories like "The Ghosts of Christmas Past", "Lizzie McGuire" (wouldn't blame them, they won't know), and honestly just a lot of things, can't really remember at this moment.

They hardly know anything and even 9 year old kids these days are in relationships which make me feel like I'm going to be single for life. 


Everything has turned to be so materialistic. If you're not rich, then, you're out. It's hard to please people because everyone is judging you these days. Everyone hates one another for no reason. Friends say they care but they're never there when you need them and it's better being alone than being around them anyway, because everything is about them.

People who think they know you but when really they don't know. It's like walking into a masquerade ball, except that their masks are their multiple personalities. Do you know what I mean?  

Even plastic surgery are being given as gifts these days. It's like when you reach a certain age and you hate your nose? No problem, your parents will pay for your new nose. WTFish is that? ARE LOOKS THAT IMPORTANT? Then I'd be doomed in this world, I don't have a pretty face and I'm not fair. 

Yes, fairness. Everyone thinks that it's oh-so-very-important to be fair, isn't that discrimination? Even from studies and researches, it shows that people are nicer towards fair and pretty people. I guess life isn't fair but we never chose our colour, our family members, who we're related to, our genetic coding or anything. But we're judged. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. 

I don't know how some people can really just stand for all those kind of shit, when I'm really just dissatisfied with almost everything that's happening. Of course I think up stupid and wrong theories at times, but it's all in my head and I rectify it later. But doesn't anyone feel like something is extremely wrong?


Well, I honestly think that people should make their dream and ambition one for starters, why dream of something you cannot achieve?

After all, there goes a saying that if you dream, dream big and if you fall, you'll land amongst the stars. Right? 

Secondly, people should really focus on getting their grades up instead of thinking of their outfits for tomorrow and the days after that.

I think that people should really focus on achieving, on actually accomplishing things for themselves and not just care about material stuff that they did not buy with their own money but with their parent's money. 

I would hope that if you did want to buy something, it would be by working for it, carving your name in history, in actually making a change to this world. NOT utilizing your pretty face, or whatever to become a celebrity. Most of them don't even make any change, they just change our ideas of pretty. That's all. Some celebrities are so self centered that they think of nothing by themselves. Funnily enough, there are still people who worship them.

These are times when our REAL God is replaced with mortal ones. Religion, beliefs, cultures, the very pillars of our societies are burnt to ashes due to the absence of morality? Or is it just the refusal to accept the faith entrusted because it's too hard to follow or it's not fun. Oh, or maybe it's too restrictive?

It's funny, because some parents think that with the fasting month coming soon as well that it's okay to neglect their children's education for a month with a reason that, "they're too tired".

And also, facebook and instagram likes are more important than the marks and grades some people obtain.

Take some time to ponder over the things that I've said.

Is SWAG really more important than CLASS?

Is being dependent upon your parents better than being independent and established?

Is a pretty girlfriend/boyfriend going to guarantee your future happiness?

Is following the latest trends more important than having a proper education?

Is plastic surgery the answer to the unfortunate absence of a perfectly symmetrical face?

Is smoking cool?

Is everything that is happening alright?