Thursday, August 23, 2012


Okay, so I normally don't post 2 blog posts on the same day, especially not just a few hours apart. But this time, something just hit me and I couldn't hold in the urge to blog about it. I know that all the beliebers out there would be thinking about Justin Bieber when they read the title, but trust me, it's not at all concerning popstars or similar things in line.

I've been really stressed up about University applications, my A-levels (A2 to be more specific) and just studies in general. This has been pining on me for quite sometime now. I've been addicted to twitter and Facebook and it's really taking it's toll on me. I'm constantly wondering what's going on in the social media, that I think I waste so much time tweeting, updating my statuses and reading articles. Not only that, I read a lot. Like I'm down with 4 books and I still have one more that I'm dying to read. But, I'm not going to. 

I'm also currently addicted to searching random videos on YouTube and I found this two amazing guys, they're called the Lawlorffs by their fans and I'm officially a fan of theirs right now. Kian Lawley and Sam Pottorff. 

The one on the left is Sam and the one on the right is Kian. Of course, I like both of them but I find Kian super ridiculous and funny, so I'm going to opt for him instead of Sam. But I love them both. They're super cool.

Everyone who knows me well enough know that I keep myself updated with everything YouTube, so if there's a new YouTube sensation, I'd be one of the know-it-alls. Not bragging or anything, just stating a factual evidence of how lifeless I am. 

Here's a video, I keep watching. They don't only do this, but this is one that I watch everyday. :) (Kian!! *muffled screams*)

They're 17 years old though. :/ I'm 19. Oh well, you don't have to be young to be fans of theirs right? ;) Honestly, Sam has that amazingly adorable smile in this video, so do check it out. :D

My point of this blog post is to share some things and honestly, with everything that has been going on in my mind and with the unlimited stress, I've actually thought up something that isn't going to blow you away. But BELIEVE!

That is the word that came to me, hitting me, and blowing my mind at least. BELIEVE!! BELIEVE!! BELIEVE!

Out of the blue, I'm reminded of a song by R. Kelly. Haha...

Believing that I can. I mean, I kept telling myself, dear God, why is it so hard? God help me, but He was showing me the way all the time. Wow, maybe you haven't seen what I see but let me enlighten you.

Instead of feeling stressed up and laying on bed all day with my phone and browsing through the internet and hoping that some miracle would happen, I stopped for awhile and thought to myself, HELL NO! What am I doing? Am I going to let this stupid mindset of mind ruin things? Am I? Am I going to let myself to this to me? Am I?

NO WAY!! NO! NO! NO! I'm not going to do this to myself. What happened to the girl who believed that nothing was impossible if you put your mind to it? What happened to that girl who believed that everything was possible? The girl who believed in fairy tales. What happened to that girl? Where is she?

I'm constantly motivating others and telling them that they can do it. But what about me? I'm not even practicing what I preach. I'm letting the world pass me by and I'm hoping for it to come to a stand still. What is this madness? What am I doing? These things came like a bullet, hitting me as I cringed in pain. (literally, I'm having a terrible headache now)

Believe. Believe is a really strong word. It can either make you or break you. Depending on what you believe in. You have to believe that you can and the only limit is the sky. Nothing can stop you. You must believe that you can. You must! Because no one else can believe for you. Only you can. You have to determine what you set your mind to. You have to. You have to believe that nothing can stop you that nothing can be intimidating enough to scare you or to want you to believe that you can't.

I'm sure you remember this from Alice and Wonderland. You know, the mind is actually an amazing mechanism. It can do so much. But we're always restricting ourselves from overcoming the boundaries and mental blocks in our mind. We're always searching for reasons not to do something. For instance, you set your alarm at 6.00 a.m. in the morning, thinking to yourself that you want to be productive and you want to do some revision, but then, you convince yourself that it isn't important and you find reasons to be lazy and you forget about your reason to waking up and you just off the alarm and continue to sleep.

Have you ever done this before? I know I have. I always find reasons to do something else rather than to put my mind, body and soul to it. Sometimes, you can even call this procrastination. It's another poison in life. Delaying life's greatest rewards. What you have to do is do it, at that moment, be determined and believe that you can get up and do it. Don't wait for tomorrow.

You never know what tomorrow holds. Honestly, like your mom might even come up with some ridiculous plan that you've never thought of and your plans would just be postponed to another day. So, why wait? Time is precious. Time is gold. Time is of the essence, really. You have to do it at that moment. DON'T WAIT. I cannot stress how important it is to not waste time and how important it is to be determined and to believe in yourself that you can do something.

Honestly, if you can dream it. Then you have to believe it and when you truly believe in it, you've got to go all out to achieve it. Be a big dreamer. They said don't build castles in the sky. But I say, build castles in the sky, believe you can do it, rush through the clouds and conquer the Universe.

They have this theory of the Universe that states that if you believe in something, then, it will come true. Because, when you send out energy to the Universe, be it negative or positive, it would always favour your believe. So, why believe that you can't? BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN! Believe it. Anything you're thinking right now, believe in yourself that you can do it. Believe that you will do something to make it happen. However impossible it may seem. No matter what people tell you, believe that you can.

 Look, no matter what others says and no matter what you read that says things are impossible. Don't believe if you believe something else and if you can find a reason to question it, then, by all means, do question it. Listen, they used to think the earth was flat, and look how wrong they were. 

They used to think that the smallest particles were the subatomic particles like protons, electrons and neutrons, but then they discovered leptons and quarks. Everything is not as it seems. Nothing can be as it is. It just takes a little effort, perseverance, determination and a whole lot of energy directed in achieving things.

What happened to me was, I started thinking that I don't have enough time, my University application is going to be a mess, I know I've got all A's but how do I apply when all the other students applying would also get the same grades as I would and I need to get straight A*. What must I do? How can I study? I'm so lazy. I just need to release this stress. 

But then, I stopped and thought to myself. All this self inflicted stress is coming from myself. I have to stop thinking and start acting. I have to believe that I can. If I don't believe in myself, then, why would anyone believe in me?

Why would anyone want to offer me a place in their University if I myself refuse to believe that I can? I kept whining to my mum that I didn't want to do medicine. But, then, I thought to myself, am I that selfish to let all those dying children, adults and humans in generals to continue to suffer just because of one selfish little kid? Am I going to give up my child life's dream just to do chef training because it's much easier and exciting? Am I really that selfish to let the child in me upset?

If my 4 year old self saw me now, would she be proud of me for being the way I am? What happened to the girl who vowed to herself to never get a B in her whole life again? What happened to that girl? Where has she gone? Who is this selfish girl who is thinking of how life would be easier if she didn't do medicine? All the people that would be counting on her in the future, is she going to let them down?

An acceptance to the world prestigious schools, Le Cordon Bleu and Les Roches. Is it enough? I got into those schools, does it mean, I have to go? Do I have to succumb myself to a job of fun just because I'm too selfish to care about the rest of the world? I said to myself, I would donate the money I get to charity, so that they can use it. 

Then it hit me, really? Stupid girl. Half of the money donated to charity don't even reach those that the money was intended for. You have a chance to make a change in the world. And you're giving it all up for hospitality and management? Really? Is it worth the years spent in science stream? All those years, so focused on being a doctor. Being a surgeon. Being a scientist, being a research specialist. Hopefully winning the Nobel Prize one day, all to crush the little girls dream? My dream as I was a kid. 

I don't think so. I'm not going to say that I can't. I'm not going to wallow in self pity. I am going to believe that I can do it. In 5 years time, I will be a graduate from one of the World's most renowned School of Medicine in my graduation robe and that would be the day, the little girl in me would give a pat on my back and say "Well Done" and that would be the day, my parents can look at me and say, "She's my girl". 

Honestly, everything that has been holding me back is not worth it. My whole future just because of frivolous things? I don't think so. It's time I said stop. Time I said enough is enough. Time for me to make a change. Time for me to live up to my true purpose in life. I know I was made for a greater purpose. I want to help mankind. Everyone was made for a purpose. They were made to fulfill a greater being, God. To serve mankind and to do good. (God, I feel like a preacher)

I know you might be thinking, what can one person do? How big of a difference can one person make? Honestly, there are so many things that one person can do. You have to be the person you want others to be. You have to make the change you want to see in others. It all starts with yourself. When you truly believe that you can make a change, others will to and it would actually help you in your journey in making a change. 

You're never too young, too old, too weak or too late to make a change. It doesn't matter if you're tall, short, oversized, skinny, dark skinned, white, deaf, dumb, blind, disabled or etc. It doesn't even matter what religious beliefs you hold on to. It doesn't matter what race you are. All you have to do is believe that you can.

You cannot only say you believe, you must want to believe and you must believe. You must want it bad enough that even the thought of losing something would devastate you. You must put all your hope and dreams on it. You have to divert your full attention on that one thing you want so badly! You must!! You really must!

Don't think of all the reasons why you cannot or all the reasons you shouldn't. Don't focus on the negative. Don't believe in reasons why you can't. If there's one million reasons pointing towards that one thing that you can't or that it's impossible, divert all your attention to the few reasons that it will even if it's only one. Believe in that one reason that can make you achieve it. Believe in that one thing that can help you gain whatever you want. Believe that you can. Believe with all your might. Never give up. Never say never.

Okay, I just had to. 

I don't care what you say. I'm not trying to promote Adidas. Not at all. I don't care if you're a Dassler or if you're a Nike fan. But, wait for it. Impossible is nothing. It's just that tiny voice in your head telling you that you can't. Telling you to give up. Telling you to just let it be. WHY? That is the question, when you have the power to do something, why would you back down? Why would you turn your back to the world? How can you be so cruel??

Nelson Mandela said this. And it's true, isn't it? It's always seemingly impossible until you have done it. Once you've done it, it never seems impossible. What if you saw someone fly, and you've done it once. Would you believe that you cannot fly once again? No, right? It's because we've never done it, that we believe that we cannot. But, if we never try, we would never know, right? (Please don't jump off a cliff yelling "I believe I can fly") 

But my point is, you never know unless you believe in yourself. You never know if you never try.

Just do it, if you love it and even if you suck at it, just do it. Because perfection doesn't come naturally. It takes a lot of practice. Even if you don't have talent, do it, because even Beethoven was said to be hopeless when he was younger. I don't hear anyone saying that his music suck, now, have we?

                                              What more can I say?

                                     YES!!!YESS!!!!YES!!!THIS THIS THIS!!

                                   Seriously, don't wait. Do it now!! Now!!

 Not this, okay? Don't even think of just doing it tomorrow! Do it today! Don't wait till tomorrow.

If after everything, you still don't want to do it and you still go back to the same routine, then, don't be upset by the results if you didn't put as much effort.

                               Look, he's saying that you can. Adorable, no?? :D

I did it!! :D

It honestly never gets easier, you just get used to it. In Malay, there is a proverb, "alah bisa, tegal biasa", which means the more you do it, no matter how hard it is, it becomes a norm. My BM teacher is going to be so proud of me. *beams* It's been two years since I left school and I still remember.

Do place your hand here to internet high-five me. :D Yes! If you're motivated, then I'm proud of you. When you're feeling down, just come to my page and re-read this and feel the fire burn in you. And I'm not sponsored by Adidas, Nike or Kian and Sam. Although, hello, I deserve commission. People read my blog, okay? Haha... It would be nice. I'm personally a Nike addict. Like everything I get has to be Nike, but Adidas has always had better designs that suit my taste in clothing. But shoes, no doubt, Nike is the best. To me of course. Okay, now stop reading and go do the things you have got to do and I want to go uhm.. do my revision.

Wait, this song has inspired me so much and I just have to share it. :) I love The Script and they're coming out with their new album #3. Once again, my favourite number! So excited!!

I'm a champion and one day, soon, I'll be standing in the Hall of Fame. :)

Till' my next post. xx

Wednesday, August 22, 2012


I guess it's safe to say that these days, I really don't know what to do. Who to trust, who not to. Who to be close to and who to avoid. Because it seems like everyone is wearing a mask. They're like a replica of the things from the stories we used to listen to as we were little kids, the lion in the sheeps skin. 

Those who seem too good to be true and somehow or rather, we refuse to trust our instincts and rather trust that they're good and they would do nothing to hurt us. Honestly, I used to trust people very easily, used to tell them everything. That was until those people who agreed with me about that person, would suddenly become best friends in no time at all.

I'm just sick of all the lies, people judging me from stories they've heard. I mean, if I really did that, then by all means, go ahead, play God, think what you want. But, this is something that people were not involved in and as it crashed, everyone came poking their nose in, thinking it's their problem, seriously, it's my life, my problem. None of your concern. I mean, I'm genuinely thankful for those who care about me and wants to make sure that I'm alright. It's just a handful of people who listen to what others say. I'm a person of facts, I don't say things unless I have proof. I don't make cock and bull stories and I definitely don't need pity or attention.

I've had too much of those my whole life and nobody knows how hard it is to be surrounded by people and all that you've got to do is smile and put on a brave face when all you want to do is frown and turn your back on the world.

It's hard to have expectations on your shoulder, when the whole world is watching. They think you're perfect. I'm honestly not perfect and I don't have a perfect life. I'm just good at covering up all the sadness I have. All those emotions, I just keep them to myself, because, I'm not that type of person who whines to everyone. Although, if I do whine to you, it means I trust you. Because, I never let my guard down for too long or for too many people.

But honestly, I've had my best friend back stab me and tell people things just because she  wanted the attention that I was getting. From then on, I've had trust issues my whole life. Up to a point, I can never share anything with anyone. This was until I met someone  special in my life, Fareesha (and Lidya also but Lidya is different but my awesome best friend too). By someone special, I don't mean in a relationship special. That's gross, really. We've fought for God knows how much and how long. There'd be time we would scream and yell at each other. Call each other names and suddenly, we'd be back as friends. There was even a time when I refused to talk to her for almost 5 months and then we continued talking again.

Best part is, we never brought things up, the past was left as it was and we would do stupid things and crazy, unimaginable things together. We don't see each other everyday, but our friendship has not faltered even one bit. She's always that person who advises me whenever she thinks I'm about to get myself into deep shit and she's always had my back and she's those type of person who would laugh when I would fall and then help me up.

Sometimes, we call each other up when we're in the most foul of moods and we'd make each others day hell. We would hang up the phone only to call each other again and then call each other  "B****" and we won't mind. She's the only person who can joke with me without taking things to heart. 

I can trash talk about her to her and she wouldn't mind and she'd just find some shit worst to say about me. She'd never point out my faults, my weaknesses or my mistakes and neither have I. I don't necessarily have to approve of what she has done and I do strongly disapprove of her usage of vulgar words online. But, those are things I think, one day, she will realize on her own. (hopefully)

But, no matter how much we go through, we're always there for each other, we always make time for each other, no matter how hard it is. We've not had a proper meeting with each other for almost two years, which is after I left school and yet, nothing seems to change between us. 

I have come a long way, making mistakes, tumbling over boulders, being washed ashore and being dragged around like a gunny sack and yet, she has always been there to dust my feet. I guess, even if and when you're in a relationship with me, there's always going to be another person who would matter a lot to me. Because, it just is that way. If you can't take it, then I can't have you. Sorry. 

I don't think I'd risk my friendship for a relationship because God only knows how much we've been through. I guess, when we're both girls, you might also assume that we're lesbians. But, NOOOO!!! Let me assure you, I am a 100% straight. I am not at all interested in a person of the same gender. Hahaha....

But, I guess we just understand each other and are willing to accept each other as we are. Honestly, I don't think anyone else can do the same thing. Maybe, one day, my future husband would. I guess that's why it's so hard for me to look for someone compatible with me. I know they can never stand me. I'm very difficult. I like to tell the people I love about all my dissatisfaction and one bad habit I have is to not tell them I love them but I'm better at showing it. 

But, it doesn't at all mean that I don't love them. I guess, I'm just not very well versed in that situation. But I'm trying to be more transparent. To let people in my life and let them love me. But, I guess I've just been broken, hurt and scarred too many times that I feel that everyone I love is eventually going to leave.

Honestly, being in a relationship with me is not easy, I'm going to pick fights for little things, I'm going to make a big deal of your exes and I'm going to throw tantrums for words you never say. But, I will make every fight worth the tears, I only fight because I care. I make a big deal of your exes because I will never understand why you couldn't wait for me. I would make a big deal of them because honestly, I hate myself for not knowing you before they knew you, for not knowing you existed. I only hate myself for not being able to be there. I throw tantrums only because I want you to know how I feel. I want you to hug me, to tell me that everything is alright. Not leave me alone. I may say I want to be left alone, but honestly, I just want you to make that tiny bit of effort to not leave.

I don't care if you're going to sit there without saying a word and watch me cry, but just be there for me. I don't need you to buy me things, but when we go out, when I offer to pay, don't let me pay, pay for me. Or go Dutch. Please be a gentlemen. I don't think it's easy for me to find a perfect guy. I'm not looking for a perfect guy. I'm just looking for someone who is patient enough to take the time to understand me and would stick by my side through thick and thin. Who would not make a big deal of our fights and would brush it off because he loves me enough.

You know how they say that your worst attitude is reserved for the person who loves you the most? Well, that's because they love you enough to accept you for who you are. They accept you for the bad and the good. The best relationships aren't the ones with the most sweet memories. But it's when you want to be there even when the whole thing sucks and you feel like leaving and yet you stay.

I'm clumsy, I say things I don't mean. I shut down emotionally sometimes and I'm afraid to trust. But that doesn't mean I won't eventually trust you to give my everything.

Whoever said things didn't change in a short time was obviously not a big enough dreamer. Honestly, if you wanted to make a change, especially in yourself, then one month is a lifetime! There's so much of things you can do in a month. You just have to believe in yourself and make the change you want to see in others. You have to correct the wrong in yourself before even thinking of righting the wrong of others.

This is of course, for my future husband, if you ever read my blog. Here's for you. I'm going to be a pain in the butt sometimes, but if you can accept me just the way I am, you'd know I'm actually a hard candy with a soft center. I'm sensitive and caring. But, I just don't put it out for exhibition, it takes a long time to peel the layers and to know me as I truly am. That's why you've got to be patient and you've got to want to know me as I am.
Know that when I say I love you, I mean it and when I fall for you, it means, I will never love a person the same way. If you can't accept me, then don't even make the first move. Because, I'm just not ready for a heartbreak. Not at all.

I truly believe that one day, I would find this person or maybe I have found the person, but the person or I just haven't know it yet.

Somedays, I wake up with voices in my head, instructing me what to do. Making me think of things and putting me in such a messed up state and on days like that, I just wish it would stop, for once. I wish it would stop. I wish I'd have silence.

As I've said before, I'm not perfect and I'm far from perfect, but one thing I know, I'm worth it. Just like everyone out there, there are so many good people and they're worth it. But many a times, people undeserving have them and just screw up with their lives. You never know what a person has gone through unless you yourself has gone through exactly everything that they've been through. So, you don't know what they've been through. You can't judge anyone because for all you know, that smile is just a concealment of their sadness. Before you talk about someone, think twice and think if you would like people to do the same thing to you.

                                 Okay, I couldn't help myself. Hahahahaha......

Whichever religion you choose to believe in, continue to trust because God will grant you solace together with everything else you seek.

Listen, trust is earned, it takes a long time for you to build up the trust, but it takes only seconds to break it. It's never easy to trust the same person again because sometimes, you just have that thing called doubt that arouse in certain situation. But if it's with someone, or something you never want to lose, especially your parents, siblings, best friends and people you love, it's important that you do learn how to trust.

Because, just like any human being, we're all susceptible to mistakes. You just have to accept the fact that everyone makes mistakes because nobody is perfect and if you're lucky enough to have someone's trust even after you've broken it for so many times, be grateful.

Sometimes, trust can be something hard to give to someone you truly trusted in once upon a time. Maybe even seemingly impossible. But, sometimes, you forgive not because they're right or you're wrong but merely because you want them in your life. Sometimes, you apologize for no reason at all but that just means you value your relationship more than your ego. Sometimes, it's taken for granted and people think that just because you're apologizing, it means that you're admitting that you're wrong. But honestly, I've been in this situation too many times before and I've just gotten sick with this type of people and I'm sorry that they don't see things through my spectacles. But, I hope that one day, God would help them see things from my perspective and understand me like how I understand them.

I've tried so many times to be there for people who only find me when they need me. They treat my like some trash which they use only at times and then you don't hear from them at all. I value all my relationships, be it friendship, family and etc. I am that type of person who would rather have my back stabbed by someone I love and say sorry to them than to let them rot in hell. 

I guess it's just me, I care too much at times. Everyone sees this. Even my teachers and they've told me countless times before that I shouldn't care. But, no matter how much I try to change those things, I guess I really can't. That's been my nature and it's something like asking a rabbit to eat meat. I just won't do that. I'm not blowing my own trumpet or saying that I'm good. I just know that I have a part of me that is too sensitive and sentimental. I know this because I am me. I know myself.

 I've trusted too many people, that sometimes, when things fall apart, I cannot trust them back again. It's really hard. But, one day, they'd be in the circle of trust again but just not today. Not now. I need time. Really, I need a lot of time. But, sometimes, I just learn to trust again because I don't want to lose that person. Trust me, it's really hard. I know.

Sometimes, the lies are much more beautiful than the truth. Sometimes, the truth hurts really bad and sometimes, the lies can grant you temporary peace. But, sometimes, not all the time, it's better to trust the lies than the truth because even in the smallest of lies, there are some truth.

This is one of a few of my favourite quotations from Shakespeare. Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none. :)

We're always contemplating between trusting someone and trusting no one. Is it better to trust yourself or trust others? Do you think other people know you as well as you know yourself? The decisions that they make for you, are they going to live with it for their whole life? No... No... No... 

So, why is it that we refuse to trust our intuition? We make those decisions and then we find someone to blame it all. Blame it all on one person. Are you really that cruel to even imply that someone should take the blame for everything? You really want to thrust all your burden on someone else's shoulder just because you want to feel good about yourself? Are you good enough? Do you think you're good enough? If you do... then I have nothing to say.

Honestly, there are some things that no matter how wrong it may seem, we have to do it. Because, you never know some thing until you've done it. If you ask me, I would rather have my life filled with  "Oh Well's" than "What If's". I would never regret anything in my life because at one point, those were the things I really wanted. I never regret my actions and I have my reasons behind each and every one of my actions although it may seem baffling at times or you cannot understand it. But, I have my reasons. If you're lucky enough, I would share it with you. But I must say, sometimes, things come in ways that you never thought it would.

It's a blessing in disguise. If you feel like doing something or saying something to someone or going some place whether alone or with someone or if you just want to tell your parents how much you love them, today is not a bad time. Not at all. 

Sometimes, those insignificant things in life, they may seem insignificant to others in life but it's important that you do it. It's important that you make that decision. It's important that you trust in how you feel. Just believe in yourself and trust that you can do it and it would be worth it. 

Just trust me. :)

Till' my next post. xx

Sunday, August 19, 2012


Alright, before I start, I must say, my mind is like as though it's fueled on some hyper never sleeping drug when I'm completely sober. (not that I even consume alcohol)  I can never stop thinking and I think up the weirdest things in the whole world and I must say, this really keeps me awake at night.

My latest obsession has been on death.

Death, what is it really? For those who believe in God, the presence of a higher force, the distinction between heaven and earth. The separation of the soul from the body. What is death? That is the question.

For many believers, they believe that death is merely the beginning of a whole new journey. A journey to a place that is permanent. It is said that life on earth is merely just a temporary one and we seek solace in God and pray and do good deeds, so that one day, we will receive his blessings to join Him in heaven.

In Freemasonry, they say that the secret is how to die. Choosing a way to die. That is the secret. This is an interpretation from somewhere I read. It is said that you choose whether you want to join the demons or the angels. In this case, you choose whether to be good or bad. So, the secret is in how to die. I don't know, I guess it's because I've never really thought of dying. But, perhaps everyone just wishes their death to be painless. I think.

I mean, you wouldn't want a death full of suffering, right? Unless of course you're masochistic and pain is a form of pleasure to you. Erm, that's sick? Anyway, moving on. Death is somehow perceived as poignant. It is somehow a form of reminding ones self that one day everyone dies and as sad it is to see the passing on of a loved one, we are reminded that we would also leave this world one day.

There is a course called the "coffin death course" where a person can for a price have their own mock burial. In this situation, you are placed in a casket and offered the same burial rites as the dead and you lay in your coffin and you feel how it is to be laying in one with no movement whatsoever. It is something like being separated from the outside world and the only thing left is yourself and your mind. 

You're constantly thinking and this is called the self reflection process. It is said that everyone who has participated in this course felt a renewed passion for life and they start appreciating everything even more.

I guess it's because they feel the fear of being somewhat dead and isolated from their surrounding that they learn to appreciate the things around them. Especially the people around them. This is also a form of treatment for suicidal people. It somewhat helps them to understand to true meaning of death and it's something like being given a second chance.

Personally, I wouldn't want to know what it would be like to be in a coffin. This thought alone is very disturbing to me. Because, I'm not good enough and I know I've made a lot of mistakes because I'm not perfect. So, I don't think I would be coping well if left in there for too long. Oh well, that's just me.

In Egyptian history, it is said that death is an afterlife to an eternal one. And that is why, when someone dies, they are mummified so that the vessel of the person would be available when they got to the underworld and also because of reincarnation. 

For their journey to the underworld, they are equipped with maps and jewelry and many valuables to be used, this being to guide them and using it for their necessity. I must say, it is really intriguing how the Egyptians have a well planned out system for death. It's also amazing how in Egyptian history, they have to weigh the heart in the underworld. If it is lighter than the feather, then you are worthy to cross over. But, if you're a sinner and your heart weighs more than the feather, the creature, Ammit, which looks like a crocodile to me, will eat your heart as it is unworthy.


Then there is heaven and hell. What almost every other religion believes in. If you do good deeds and you fulfill your duties on Earth to God, then you shall be granted a place in Heaven. But if you're a sinner and you do not fulfill your duties to God, then you're doomed to hell. However, it may be subjective because the extent as to how horribly you've sinned comes to question as well. But, the fulfilling your duty part doesn't change much. Because, most religions believe that the purpose of you being alive is to serve God and do good. The purpose is to please God so as to obtain atonement.

In buddhism and Hinduism however, they believe in reincarnation. The soul is reincarnated numerous times until the true purpose is discovered. They call it the khamma, the person is reincarnated until the the soul is empty and enlightenment is achieved. They join God and this is called Moksya, the highest level one can be at.

In Buddhism, they believe that how a person is in their current life will determine what they are reincarnated into in the next life. Say, you've been evil towards ants, perhaps you'd be reincarnated into an ant. They believe that if you're a good person, you'd be reincarnated into a human, but if you're bad, you would be reincarnated into an animal. How big and how small, I honestly don't know.

In Hinduism however, if I'm not mistaken, you're reincarnated as a human.

In science however, they do not believe in all these things because as you know, the sciences only believe in things which are quantifiable and explainable. Souls, heaven and Gods aren't exactly explainable if you ask me.

However, there is this field in science called Noetic Science, which is more of a metaphysical philosophy, it's believed that everything has mass, even a soul, however small the mass may be and hence, in a way, the soul can actually be quantified. Amazing isn't it?

In some places, death is a form of art, where killing and dying is considered a beautiful thing and is cherished in the weirdest of manner. I wouldn't be surprised why serial killers are as much drawn to this idea. But in a way, it is considered an art.

Weird, I know, but even in fairly modern literature, death is spoken of in a melancholic way, described in somewhat a mesmerizing way. The beauty of it, so it is described.

Honestly though, to me, death is something, I do fear. As I've said, I'm not prepared for death. I guess we fear the things we don't know. However, I've gone to enough religious seminar and watched enough video to scare the living shit out of me.

So, to me, death is somewhat a distant thing which I would like not to be a part of for the time being. I guess, it would have to wait until I'm 70++ maybe? I don't even pray 5 times a day and I'm a Muslim. I must admit, sometimes, I'm just overwhelmed by laziness, and I know, it's a very stupid reason, so, I'm trying to change that thing. 

Till' my next post. xx